Browse Author: Beth Nichols

Can You Handle Your Depression Alone? (Unspoken Words Of Marriage)

 

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Many people often experience depression in a relationship, and they don’t even notice it sometimes. It causes a lot of complication in marriage because couples tend to feel the pressure when it comes to decision making. In most times, they get preoccupied with a lot of stress that’s why they become less interested in finding ways to overcome their marital issues.

“When one spouse is depressed, a marriage is depressed,” according to Fran Walfish, a relationship psychotherapist.

Life With Depression

Depression is something that you can’t instantly take out of your life. It requires a lot of effort before you can finally say that you’re over it. Sometimes, even if you think you’re not affected, and you don’t find the situation alarming, the people around you may feel differently. The signs and symptoms turn more evident after a couple of weeks (even days), so you may feel exhausted, gloomy, irritated, agitated, and anxious about everything. It may also come to the point when you behave differently and won’t have the energy to function normally.

 

It Affects Everyone

You may think that depression can close its box on you alone, but the truth is, it affects everyone including your partner. The people around you feel the intense pressure of the mental disorder because of your actions toward them. “Many people are living with a spouse who is depressed and are suffering because of it,” says John A. Lundin, Psy.D. Depression can be frustrating and difficult for a spouse to know what to do.Sometimes, you won’t notice that you’re genuinely trying to push your significant other away. You become irrational and out of control and that’s something that they can’t seem to handle most of the times. When it comes to your married life, depression takes everything away from you. As the condition continuously stays untreated, you become a different person. Well, it’s not your fault why there’s a sudden shift in your personality because it’s the psychological effect of the mental illness that harms the function of your brain, making you think and act differently compared to your usual.

 

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Seek Help

There are times that you may feel the need for isolation and that’s okay. However, you still need to consider making the right choice and personally ask for help. Depression can harmfully damage your life when you let it, so you need to be brave and firm enough to handle the situation. Use every help that you can get from people around you and don’t stop chasing for possibilities of a well-deserved mental and psychological development because, in the end, only you can create the necessary changes in your well-being.

 

Don’t Push It Too Hard

“Depression diminishes your ability to connect with your partner and creates doubts about your union,” as emphasized by psychologist Shannon Kolakowski, PsyD.

Trying to push your limits in understanding what depression is all about is also not helpful at all. You need to realize that there’s a need for internalization. You have to know yourself better for you to be able to address the mental illness in a less stressful way. From there, you can slowly try altering the things that trigger your condition and become aware of the things that you perhaps need and don’t need to do.

 

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No one said fighting depression is going to be easy. However, with proper knowledge of what the mental condition can do to you, you can have an idea of the kind of life you’ll want to avoid. And with the help of your significant other, you’ll have better reasons to stay focused on getting better.

Marriage 101: Let’s Talk About Depression In A Relationship

 

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Depression is a mental illness that hinders a person to function normally. When it comes to a relationship, it influences couples to treat each other differently. It can either get them closer to each other when they tend to understand the situation or create complications when the couple ignores the signs. When a relationship causes anxiety, we are groomed to believe our relationship anxiety is the problem. After all, anxiety can strangle love, suffocate it, tear it apart, leaving most of us to believe that relationships and anxiety simply don’t mix,” says Alicia H. Clark, PsyD.

Road To A Better Understanding

When you are in a relationship with a depressed person, or you are the one who is experiencing the mental illness, it creates drastic changes in your psychological, spiritual, behavioral, and emotional well-being. And when couples think about it as something draining and upsetting, they become aware of their capabilities in handling stressful events in their lives. Somehow, it helps them to understand themselves better because it gives them enough reason to fight for the ones they love. “If you feel like they are a good candidate for the long term, you feel you can get very close to them, and they’re someone you could potentially love, then you should tell them, Michael Brustein, PsyD.

 

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Its Connection To Failure Of Marriage

On the other hand, the main reason that makes couples end up with divorce is due to their lack of understanding of things when it comes to depression. They need to stop thinking about the other person’s mental condition as their responsibility because they can’t do anything about it. However, that doesn’t mean they need to stay away from their loved ones just because they can’t seem to handle the tension. Though the mental condition is something unworthy for some people, the person who is experiencing the psychological illness is having a different battle.

 

So Why Do We Complain?

We often complain about depression because it affects how we treat people. Our decisions can end up positive or negative depending on the intensity of the required approach. In some cases, we see it as something that can make us appreciate our strength in dealing with the situation. However, for those people who can’t seem to get out, they think that they are unworthy. Hence, they tend to motivate themselves to do the opposite instead of focusing on the things that matter in the relationship.

 

How Can We Overcome It?

Seriously, there are tons of ways that we can do to address depression in the relationship. However, not all of it applies to everybody. The solutions to the problems vary from one person to another. One way to deal with it is to know where it comes from and what causes it to flare up so we can gradually work our way through the step-by-step process of addressing it without stressing ourselves or hurting the people we love. Understanding your own role in a relationship, learning to sustain healthy relationships, and choosing to end (or not enter) unhealthy ones, are skills that can be learned but often take time and practice,” says Dr. Vince Berger.

 

The Power Of Experience

Even if we think we have all the knowledge that we need to address depression, there will always be a loophole especially when we are not the person who personally experiences the mental illness. We might say that we understand it very well, but it will still require us to feel and experience it before we can make a concrete judgment. We can’t base our decisions on assumptions because it will be hard for us to find solutions.

 

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In general, there are millions of people who are in a relationship that suffers from depression. Some of them are still ongoing, others ended it, and some are still undecided. So if you’re one of those people who suffer from depression or your partner may be suffering from it, you need to address the condition as soon as possible.

 

Steps In Addressing Your Depression (It Can Help Your Relationship)

 

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Depression is a mental state that often refers to an extreme sadness that takes out your energy. It affects your behavior and personality. Depression is not a static illness. There is an ebb and flow to symptoms that many non-depressed people misunderstand.” Says Deborah Serani, PsyD. You occasionally experience doing things that you don’t usually do and sometimes, it even gets in the way of how you treat yourself and interferes with how you handle your relationship. Therefore, it is essential that you know the steps for addressing your situation. Here are the ways on how to deal with your depressive disorder.

 

Know The Cause Of Your Emotional State – When you say that you’re depressed, you need to be specific. You have to determine your current condition and know what causes the depression that affects you as of the moment. From there, you can think of options on how to address the ongoing issue you’re dealing with because sometimes, due to overthinking that you’re experiencing a mental condition, you are just formulating an idea that you’re indeed in the state of depression even if you’re not. The fact is, despite decades of research into this question, scientists at the U.S. National Institute of Mental Health and research universities around the world still don’t really know the cause of depression.” says  John M. Grohol, PsyD.

 

Address One Issue At A Time – It’s understandable that you want to attain peace of mind and be yourself again. However, pushing yourself in simultaneously figuring out solutions that can address tons of your problems won’t help you. It will only add pressure to your emotional and psychological well-being. You need to address one issue at a time so you can control your behavior and emotions. You need to focus on one available result and cut down the number of your problems to get a reachable goal.

 

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Allow Yourself To Talk To People – When you are depressed, you attract the negativity that comes along with it making you feel that you are alone and unworthy. However, you need to stop doing it. Do not allow yourself to embrace isolation because it will only make things worse. Try to talk to people and open up about your condition. Let them know that you’re willing to change things and show them that you are trying your best to become the better version of yourself. Psychotherapy, or “talk therapy,” is a general term that refers to treating depression by talking through your triggers and responses with a licensed mental health professional.” says Katie Hurley, LCSW.

 

Do Not Be Afraid To Ask For Help – Gather strength from the ones you love and let them become part of your life. Don’t try to push them away because you know it will only hurt your feelings if you do. Ask them to be there for you and let them know how much they mean to you. Don’t let your mental state ruin your relationship with the people that are willing to stick with you in your battle with depression.  Allow them to witness you at your worst so they can be with you at your best.

 

Seek Professional Advice – If you think that you no longer feel in control of your mental condition, don’t hesitate to undergo therapy and treatment. Professional advice from a therapist will give you a chance to understand the things that you’re going through because their expertise will walk you through the process of recovery so you can allow yourself to become more aware of your capabilities when it comes to handling certain stressful situations.

 

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Don’t let depression define the kind of person you are and aim to become a better you. Addressing your psychological and emotional state can guarantee you to have a better working relationship in the long run.

Mental Health Counseling – Don’t Feel Bad About Getting Help For Depression

 

A depressive disorder is different from any sadness that comes from disappointments or sorrow. The word ‘disorder’ means an abnormal physical or mental condition. A person who suffers from depressive disorder tends to have a more extended state of sadness compared to the usual. It is when it comes to a point where it disrupts normal daily activities because of its symptoms such as the inability to focus, insomnia, lack of appetite, and complete loss of interest in anything. Depressed individuals feel that everything seems terrible and irritating.  

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The Disturbing Effect Of Depression Based On Psychiatry

Do you know that depression affects more than just a depressed person? In fact, people who surround a depressed individual can also experience signs and symptoms of a depressive disorder. In most cases, a person suffering from the condition doesn’t know he or she has it. Depression is a disorder that develops from environmental and biological issues that are unique to each person. Misinformation about mental illness shames and discriminates those suffering with depression from getting professional help.” Says Deborah Serani, PsyD.

 

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What Can You Do About Depression When Medication Therapy Doesn’t Work?

Many depressed persons are resistant to seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist. But do you know that the sooner you attain therapy and counseling, the sooner you can give yourself a chance to experience a better life? There is an excellent opportunity of getting proper medication for the depressive disorder. 

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Tips For Helping A Child Overcome Depression

 

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Depression is too complicated to handle even for adults who primarily have their lives already figured out. Some regress from the society, ridden with shame for having the mental disorder. Others feel lured to end everything before their loved ones can move to help them. If these are the illness’ influences on grownups, how will a mere child be able to overcome it?

Unfortunately, the latter isn’t a theoretical question. The number of kids who acquire this disease keeps on increasing, to the extent that even a seven-year-old angel may already be in a depressive state. And as undiscriminating as it is, the children within a loving family aren’t entirely safe from the disorder.

Depression is a serious medical condition that can negatively affect a child’s ability to connect with friends and family, enjoy normal daily activities, attend school and concentrate while there, and enjoy childhood.” Says Katie Hurley, LCSW.

If you detect signs of depression in your offspring, don’t let weeks pass before taking the kid to a health professional for a psychological assessment. Should the diagnosis confirm your assumption, though, avoid opting for antidepressants as much as possible. There’s no cure aimed at this illness at the time of writing this article, and the drugs have side effects anyone can live without. You may ask for a suitable therapy for your child in place of that, which doctors recommend too.

But then again, the best decision is to try to help your kid overcome depression even if the psychiatrist or licensed therapist isn’t available. Continue reading to know-how.

 

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  1. Talk About Everything With Them

The #1 cause of depression in most children is their inability to voice out their thoughts, especially in front of the parents. Many don’t want to burden people with their issues, while the rest aren’t used to sharing deep emotions with family members as they probably didn’t grow up seeing that happen in their household.

Either way, as the parent, you should be the first one to open the communication lines within your brood. Don’t be afraid of asking questions about their day, the classes they attend, and other extracurricular activities. Answer the queries they throw at you too – that’s an indication that they’re becoming comfortable to chat with you.

Once you no longer have problems in that department, you may then inquire regarding the depression and the suicidal thoughts they might have. That will let you fully grasp your child’s situation and be able to help them deal with it. Some moodiness, anxiety, and social and school difficulties are expected as kids grow up,” says psychologist Kristen Eastman, PsyD. “I call them bumps in the road.”

 

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  1. Make Them Feel Safe

The mental disease can root from bullying and peer pressure too. When a kid experiences maltreatment from other students at the school, he or she can shut up like a clam. It can also occur if they are active on social media and some online users start ridiculing their photos. Childhood psychological abuse is the most challenging and prevalent form of child abuse and neglect but also the most difficult to define. While physical and sexual abuse are obvious and easily named as such, psychological and emotional abuse can just as often be about the absence of something rather than the presence of certain behaviours or treatment,” says Krasi Kirova, registered psychologist.

To improve matters for them, focus on getting down to the bottom of their issues. If it’s indeed school-related, visit the principal’s office or have a conversation with the bullies’ parents so that they can reprimand them for their rude behavior. If it’s the people on the internet, encourage them to do physical activities instead of being online all the time. Assure them as well that what those individuals said don’t matter as long as they know their value as a person.

 

  1. Learn Coping Mechanisms Yourself

Finally, spend time on understanding depression and the ways to handle it. There are a lot of articles and books dedicated to a mental disorder; you can speak with professionals anytime too. When you’re knowledgeable about the illness, it won’t be much difficult for you to guide your child away from depression.

Problems That Come With Being A New Father With Depression

 

 

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Becoming a new parent is both a blessing and a bane to people. The infant brings happiness to the family and makes their bond tighter than ever, yes. But having a baby to take care of for the first time can also cause anxiety to parents or, worse, depression.

If you noticed, we didn’t say that the mental disorder only affects the mothers, which is the typical occurrence. The reason is that dads can have depression as well, and that’s not unusual. Men experience a lot of stress as the head of a family; that’s why they may feel down sometimes. New fathers also face challenges and changes in the relationship with their partner that few fully anticipate. Suddenly the need to argue, negotiate, and resolve conflicts about parenting takes center stage in their relationship.” says Chuck Schaeffer Ph.D.

However, as expected, various problems come with it.

 

  1. The Father Can’t Fulfill Fatherly Duties

When the depression is on, the person tends not want to do anything aside from moping and overthinking. The wife, therefore, will need to pick up the slack and power through the day to watch over the newborn, finish chores around the house, and perhaps get her real work done.

 

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  1. You May Turn To Alcohol And Drugs

The thing about extreme sadness is it may make you think that drinking alcohol or using drugs can improve your mood. For sure, the substances can do that as they’re still in effect. Once that wears off, though, it leaves you with emptiness and the desire to abuse more chemicals, which turns you into a massive threat to your loved ones. According to Sheehan Fisher, PhD “There’s research on the concept of ‘masculine depression’ that suggests men may report and engage in externalizing behaviors, such as aggression, hypersexuality, and substance use [like with alcohol] in response to depression.”

 

  1. Shutting Out Your Spouse Or Kid Is Possible

Your affection toward the family members can’t come through because of the depressive disorder. In some instances, the patient can grow apart from his wife and children because the former may often push the latter away. Thus, an irreparable rift may develop between them.

 

  1. The Child Can Develop Behavioral Issues

A father’s love is so essential to a kid, especially when they always see their friends’ dads actively looking after their children. Several artists sang about it too and how sad it was for them not to have a reliable patriarch to guide them while growing up.

More than blues, though, the problems in a child’s behavior later in life may be the result of the depression that their biological father experiences. After all, the ideal way of looking after a kid is that everything should seem exciting so that they’ll want to try new things. If the parent shows lack of interest in their offspring’s activities and won’t even come out to play with them, it can impact the child’s way of thinking harshly.

It’s possible for the little one to act up and throw tantrums, assuming that’s how they can get the depressed dad’s attention. Other times, they may feel secluded and won’t speak to anyone. Worse, the kid may acquire depression as well, just like his or her father.

 

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Depression affects how fathers interact with their children. They may be more irritable, they may be more withdrawn. That might affect children’s understanding of emotions and how they learn to regulate their own emotions,” says Psychiatrist Paul Ramchandani.

Depression is as incurable as other mental diseases, but it surely is treatable. There are alternative treatments that licensed therapists can recommend particularly to patients who wish to stay away from anti-depressants. Look into them if you want to become the dad – or the husband – that your family deserves to have.

Good luck!

 

What You Can Do If Your Spouse Has Depression

 

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When you’re single, coming on top of your group seems to be the most important. You need to answer to no one but yourself; that’s why it’s effortless to work hard towards your objectives.

Once you marry the love of your life, though, everything changes. All the I’s turn into we’s. Your joy and pain become theirs, and vice versa. There’s nothing to worry about if you’re both mentally healthy, but if your spouse has depression, then the situation turns a whole lot challenging. Depression varies tremendously in severity, but it has many behavioral impacts that can profoundly affect all significant relationships,” said Dr. Jay Baer, a psychiatrist.

In case it’s the first time that this dilemma hits you as a couple, don’t fret. You can help your husband/wife overcome the psychological disorder. “Many symptoms of depression can be poorly understood, particularly irritability or apathy, which partners can mistakenly label as ‘being crabby’ or ‘lazy,’” says  Melissa Frey, LCSW.

Below are the things you can do.

 

  1. Interpret Unmistakably

The initial step towards healing is to broaden your mind. Considering you’re the only person your spouse talks to the most, they will inevitably do stuff that will test your patience. Some statements that come out of their mouth may hurt you as well. But the truth is, they don’t mean any of it.

More often than not, the unpleased behavior roots from the patient’s desire to shield you from the illness. Depressed folks push their loved ones away so that the latter won’t go through the extreme negativities they’re feeling. In case you want to assist your better half, therefore, believe the opposite of their adverse actions.

 

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  1. Help Gently

Though there may be different techniques to offer assistance to your depressed significant other, yelling at them or belittling their condition will make matters worse. The first impression that will cross their mind after hearing you do that is, “Even my love does not understand me.” Rather than voicing out the root of the issues in front of you at that point, they may prefer to open up to a friend or stranger.

To prevent that from happening, you should tread the waters in the beginning. You can’t merely sign your husband/wife up to an assessment or therapy without their consent. Give them the opportunity instead to decide how to deal with it and offer your support in any way possible.

 

  1. Plan Smartly

In reality, depression can quiet down sometimes and enable your spouse to function normally. During these occasions, you need to speak to him or her about what you can do to cheer them up once the disorder wreaks havoc in their head again.

You may discuss triggers – that’s perfectly alright. It’s also not wrong to ask whether they’ll be willing to exercise on those gloomy days or stay indoors. Don’t be afraid to converse regarding the depression when they’re “sober” because that’s one way to help them feel better.

Other than that “You might feel like the best way to be helpful is to find the best available treatment in your area, find support groups, or talk to other people battling depression to find out what “works,” but often the best thing you can do for your partner is simply show up.” Says Katie Hurley, LCSW.

 

  1. Love Unconditionally

When your significant other experiences depression, do your best to show how much you love him or her. A lot of miracles took place with such an intense emotion at the core of everything, so you can bet that it can heal your partner too. While it may not occur at once, not giving up on this person may increase his or her chances of overcoming the mental disease.

 

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That sums up all the things you can do if your spouse has depression. You can forget the order, but your better half’s condition – and your marriage – may improve once you follow the tips above.

Saving Your Kids From Depression Before They Even Get It

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Hearing parents say that they want the best for their children feels reassuring. It implies that they care for the youngsters’ future and that they will support them in any way possible. It is also a sign that they will do anything for their sons and daughters to make sure that they have an excellent life that others will envy. So, they work day and night as soon as the baby comes to the world and prepare for their future. “If you’re trying to figure out if a teen is depressed, the thing to look for is a change of behavior or mood,” says Lori Hilt, PhD.

The problem with such words starts to arise when the child goes to school. Even from their first day in kindergarten, the mom or dad may say, “You should show your classmates and teachers that you are the best. I will give you a prize if you get a lot of stamps.” In a youngster’s mind, they connect a good deed to a reward, so they may try to do what they’ve been told.

The more the kids’ grade levels move up, though, the more the parents’ expectations grow. When I was still in middle school, I had a classmate named Jason, who’s used to being on top of the class every year. He graduated from elementary school as a valedictorian, from what I heard. He managed to do the same thing during our 7th grade as well. Unfortunately, when 8th grade came, Jason lost to another classmate CJ, whose grades were not even close to his in the past. It made Jason’s parents frustrated, so they pushed him to do better by comparing him to CJ. The result was that his mind snapped at some point, and Jason got so depressed that he needed to take some time off school for treatment.

There’s no doubt about the love that you have for your children. So, if you want to prevent them from getting depression like my former classmate, you should know the following:

Celebrate Achievements, Big Or Small

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The first thing that you should do is to celebrate your child’s achievements. You should do it whether they have come second in class or they have gotten a Gold medal in track and field. Both of them are great results — something that not all kids will be able to achieve. Recognizing their success will push them to work harder next time.

Stop Having High Expectations

It is not acceptable to set the bar too high for your children as well. That will be all that they will think about, after all, and forget how to be happy. If they fail, therefore, they will take the failure too hard. The result will either be depression or, worse, suicide. Kristen Roye, PsyD talks about suicide which is chilling – “For many people the initial reaction to hearing about suicide is discomfort or fear. Often time, our behavior is to automatically deny that suicide is an issue that affects us personally; or we may simply ignore it and hope the problem goes away on its own. Unfortunately, denial will not solve our problems.”

Give The Kids A Mental Break

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Some overbearing parents force their kids to study in advance even during summer break to “get ahead of everyone else.” Well, don’t be like them. Allow your children’s minds to rest. School vacation is the time for playing, not studying. If you don’t do that, they may lose interest in education overall.

Final Thoughts

Parents need to set their priorities straight. The welfare of your kids should come before any success that may bring to the family. Insisting on the opposite of that may strain your relationship with them later or become the cause of their depression. I am sure that you don’t want either to happen, so kindly follow the ideas mentioned above. The key to living with depression is ensuring you’re receiving adequate treatment for it (usually most people benefit from both psychotherapy and medication), and that you are an active participant in your treatment plan on a daily basis.” Says John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

Good luck!